Sandra stands at the vending machine.
SANDRA: EE04, Dinty Moore beef stew. I haven't smelled it in almost a week. I kind of miss it. Yesterday I wanted to buy one so I could microwave it and put it in Kaleb's empty cubical. I guess it's not his cubical anymore. He quit. I think because he was so embarrassed. I didn't say anything to anyone. I had called in sick that next day so I wouldn't have to face him. I all I could think about was his, well, you know. (Sandra holds up a bent forefinger.) It's funny, a few weeks ago I was thinking about asking him out to a movie or dinner or something. Despite his eating habits, I always thought he was really nice. He didn't have a girlfriend. I knew that. I remember finding out that he had had one not too long before starting with the company. She left him for her pilates instructor, another woman. Maybe that's why liked jacking off to butch ladies. I dunno.
Don't act like you're so much better, like you've never played with yourself. It's okay. It's natural, good for you even. Last year for my birthday my friend Charlotte bought me a vibrator. It showed up in the mail, from Amazon. I thought it was a book. I was so mad at her. When I got it I called her and told her, "what a bad joke," but she told me that it was a true gift from the heart and that I should use it regularly. I still thought she was kidding. I stayed mad at her for a few days. But that weekend I was home by myself, no roommates- I had roommates at the time, I drank some wine, went to closet, got some batteries, and...tried it out. I called Charlotte afterward and told her what a good friend she was.
(Sandra gets her sell phone out of her pocket, thinks, dials. Waits) Hey, Kaleb. How are you?