Daily life in our modern times is hard enough. We have too many things that make the day a big pill to swallow. Jobs and traffic for instance are pains in my neck, not to mention intrawebs, teletypes, and voicemails. If I have time to relax and have refreshment I want to be rejuvinated without feeling hopped up (as if on goofballs). I also don't like the pressures I feel from you and all the other super beverages in the machines. Cafeine is one thing but what you're packing is a totally different deck of cards, mister. I say no more to you and the other liquid bullies.
I know you will not take offense to this. I'm sure you enjoy inhabiting the dash boards of muscular vehicles with urinating Calvins adorning the rear windshields. Well, fine. I hope that works out for you because you will never be my thrist quencher.