Your one person show is gonna suck.

First there will be funny music. You will do lots of voices. There will be the telling of an awkward teenage sexual/romantic experience. You will talk about old apartments. You will do lots of voices. There will probably be a family vacation story. You will tell us about him/her (the one that got away). This will be followed by more voices. Blah blah blah something about college. Finally, you're gonna come to some realization about your inability to love/live/be happy.

How 'bout instead of those things you do the following:

• Tell us about that time you murdered all those gypsies (bring slides)
• Don't dance
• Bring other actors on stage and have them eat steak with you then build a human pyramid
• Make a poop sculpture (doesn't have to be your poop)
• Maybe do a couple voices
• Let an audience member punch you in the gut
• Tell us a good place to eat after the show
• Do anything that involves fire

These are just some ideas but I promise your show will be more entertaining than those other ones.